I decided to listen to Conference today while cleaning. I can't express my emotion as I realized I was hearing many many things I needed to hear.
Life isn't easy. But I'm here, and I'm trying...and I know that Heavenly Father loves me despite mistakes I make, and struggles I'm facing. I am so blessed to be able to listen to leaders of our Church. I'm grateful for quiet peaceful love I feel because of the knowledge I have that I don't have to be perfect, and the Lord understands my pain and suffering.
I won't lie, I'm struggling. this period of time, more than any other is the most difficult for me. Its almost been a whole year since Ben left. So many things have changed in that time. I'm not the same person I was before, in good ways and bad ways. But I know who I am. I'm a divine Daughter of God. I want to be happy, and I know that will come with time.
I want to me a wife and mother more than anything! But I know that want to be married in the temple, to someone who is worthy of me! I have faith in myself, that I know what I want, and I have faith that the Lord knows what I want and need in my life.
I have been blessed to be surrounded by those who love me, and want the best for me. Its very difficult to express the feelings I'm having right now toward many things in my life. But I'm very very grateful for the opportunity I have to enjoy the single part of my life. The blessing of friends who know when I'm struggling, and make efforts to comfort me, and take me away from stressful situations. I'm happy to be learning about me, and not always trying to make everyone else happy. Its nice to just worry about me for now, and I continue to navigate my way through this trial.
Above all I'm grateful for my Savior. Who understands better than anyone how I'm feeling, and the war I'm fighting within myself. I'm grateful for His silent patience, and love. The sacrifice He gave for me. For His tender mercies, and gentle hand that helps me every time I fall. I am truly blessed!
